Victor Moraru
EAP 98
Monica Monk
It was almost five years ago. My family and I got an invitation to go to Embassy of the United States in my country, to take an interview for immigration to United States. In June, 2005 we went there, we were worried about it. We were sitting there and one of the workers called our last name we went there. Everything turned out better than I thought. We passed the interview and we got free tickets for flight. I was so happy that I am going to a new country that I never been to.
August 16, 2005 we are going to airport. My family and I were waiting for our flight. Our relatives were there too because they drove us and helped us to carry our baggage. Then the dispatcher called our flight. We started to say good bye to them my mom was crying because she was leaving her daughter and sister there.
The flight was really long and boring. It was my first time flying and was excited at first, but later I got so tired of flying for such a long time. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t because I wanted to lie down. We were flying for sixteen hours. We came to SEA-TAC airport and there my aunt her children and their husbands and wives, and also my grandma were waiting for us. I was so excited that we came and I finally saw all of them. Then we went to take our baggage and exit the airport.
When we went outside I was surprised and shocked for a moment because it is totally different from my country, the air is clean, the roads are not broken, so many cars, everybody is talking another language. The next day when I woke up I couldn’t figure out where I am, and what I am doing here. I thought that was a dream, but after a second I realized that it is not a dream. It is time to change life.
This event really changed my life a lot. I moved to another country, I learned another language and new culture. I started working, went to school, and started to drive. I found new friends, I grew up. Right now I don’t want to move back to my country, I like it here in United States, this is my home now. Life in the United States is easier and funnier than life in my country.
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1. Is there a clear thesis at the end of the introduction?
ReplyDeleteyes, there is
2. Does the thesis have a topic and controlling ideas?
yes
3. does the thesis address the essay topic well?
yes
4. are there at least two body paragraphs of 5 or more sentences?
yes
5. Does each body paragraph have a clear topic sentence, and does the topic sentence clearly connect to the controlling ideas of the thesis?
yes
6. Can you easily find at least one major detail in each body paragraph? If not, please let the writer know where you are confused about the major detail.
yes
7. Does the writer EXPLAIN and GIVE EXAMPLES for each major detail, and do they help you understand the major detail better? If not, please let the writer know that he/she needs more detail. Also let the writer know if you think the details are not exactly relevant.
it is good
8. Are the details concrete, not too general? let the writer know if s/he needs to give more interesting, concrete details.
GOOD
9. How is the conclusion--does it cover the main ideas and thesis in new words, and does it make a comment that really makes you think about the essay topic some more? Please be specific about your feedback, don't just say Yes or No.
yes
10. What do you like best about this essay? be specific.
i liked that essay because i felt that feeling before. 1st it is really hard than it gets easy.
1. Is there a clear thesis at the end of the introduction? yes.
ReplyDelete2. Does the thesis have a topic and controlling ideas? yes.
3. does the thesis address the essay topic well? yes.
4. are there at least two body paragraphs of 5 or more sentences? yes.
5. Does each body paragraph have a clear topic sentence, and does the topic sentence clearly connect to the controlling ideas of the thesis? yes.
6. Can you easily find at least one major detail in each body paragraph? If not, please let the writer know where you are confused about the major detail. yes.
7. Does the writer EXPLAIN and GIVE EXAMPLES for each major detail, and do they help you understand the major detail better? If not, please let the writer know that he/she needs more detail. Also let the writer know if you think the details are not exactly relevant. yes.
8. Are the details concrete, not too general? let the writer know if s/he needs to give more interesting, concrete details. yes.
9. How is the conclusion--does it cover the main ideas and thesis in new words, and does it make a comment that really makes you think about the essay topic some more? Please be specific about your feedback, don't just say Yes or No. yes.
10. What do you like best about this essay? be specific. I like the introduction!